A woman once said, "I seldom think about my limitations, and they never make me sad. Perhaps there is just a touch of yearning at times; but it is vague, like a breeze among flowers." Helen Keller grew up unable to hear or see. But her limitations did not prevent her from becoming one of the most well known people in the world, even today. She is one of several people I look up to for inspiration when things are looking down.
When I started losing my hearing at around 18 months old, I wasn't affected by it because I was so young. But for my parents and two older sisters, their world was turned upside down the day they found out I was becoming deaf. One of the most common questions I've been asked while growing up was, "What is it like being deaf?" Even though I consider that an idiotic question, I do understand their curiousity. Honestly, I can't really give anyone a straight answer. I've been deaf for over 23 years and have never experienced the ability to hear as well as any other person. There are still some sounds I can barely hear, like a firecracker going off or a gunshot. Even with hearing aids on, it was not sufficient enough to perceive sound and decipher what is noise and what is not. I wore hearing aids from when I was very young until my junior year in high school before I decided that I had enough. Sometimes the world around me gets too loud, I just can't stand it.
High school is a time when a teenager's self esteem is based on their popularity status. Being the only deaf student in my class, my popularity was nonexistent. Nobody spoke to me, except a few. I always ate lunch alone, did my homework alone, and was almost always chosen last for partners in chemistry lab. My self esteem was naught, and I then became introverted and did not socialize with anyone, not even with the deaf community. I refused to sign with my mother or my sisters, or with anyone. I guess I was ashamed of who I was and felt that I would be an outcast for the rest of my life, because of my "disability." High school was over and I graduated and was more than ready to leave that place. When I arrived at Texas Tech, I was greeted by three of my roommates, all who were deaf. The mode of communication used was sign. For the first time in so long, I didn't feel left out. Every time something was being said, I didn't miss it. I didn't have to ask my mother to interpret for me. I didn't have to apologize and ask to repeat what was said. I didn't have to nod my head and look like an idiot when a question was asked. So then I promised myself that I would make more friends, and met every deaf student at Texas Tech. I had developed strong friendships with them, and I still keep in touch with them, even to this day. My self esteem soared during my time at Tech and my confidence as well. When I moved back to Waco, I became more involved with the deaf community and renewed old friendships. I became a different person.
On several occasions, I've wished I could hear. But after the life-changing experience I went through at Tech, I became more content with who I am. I can now honestly say I never want to become a hearing person, because it would literally destory the person I have become now. Patience, understanding, and perserverance are the things I've gained as a deaf person. It is a tough journey, this life I'm living now. But there's no checkered flag at the end of the race. No trophy I will win when I get to the end. Only thing I gain from this life is life itself. The privilege of being alive is something many people neglect. We are put on this earth not to live, but to be alive. Being alive doesn't mean breathing and eating. Being alive means to accept ourselves for who we are, to take chances without regrets, and to appreciate everything has happened to us, good or bad.
From Stranger Than Fiction:
"And we must remember that all these things, the nuances, the anomalies, the subtleties, which we assume only accessorize our days, are effective for a much larger and nobler cause. They are here to save our lives."
Enough seriousness for now. I need to go wash off the red ink from my thumb. Apparently a red pen is a great tool to help prevent boredom.
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